Hanamachi Nishina

[F.A.I.T.H]

Player F.A.I.T.H
Player name: Hanamachi Nishina
English language proficiency: Second language
Character number: 3
Faction: None (Equatorial Union)
Requested faction membership: Yes

General

Full name: Hanamachi Nishina
Nickname: Nina, "Ni-chan"
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Race: Coordinator
Occupation: Military Academy graduate and Pilot applicant
Birthplace: Kyushu, Japan
Citizenship: ORB (awaiting Permanent Resident application with her parents to the Equatorial Union)
Personality: An easygoing and cheerful girl, Nishina never fails to look on the bright side of things most of the time. She remains calm in critical situations and is a steadfast example regardless of what happens. Though slow to anger, her quiet-and sometimes extreme-rage is often seen by people as an oddity in her otherwise vivacious personality. Nishina does not take things for granted and sometimes pushes herself over her own physical and mental limits, a trait formed from her opinion of what had happened to her father in the two Great Wars.

As a child, Nishina has been influenced by her mother, who gave up her career as a singer to take care of her children. She loves to sing whenever possible, and is rather adept at flower arrangement. For her more physical pastimes, Nishina prefers tennis and is a practicioner of Aikkido as well.

Appearance

Height: 161 cm
Weight: 48 kg
Hair Colour and Style: Long, rich auburn hair, usually tied in a side ponytail
Eye Colour: Purple
Identifying Marks: None
Skin Tone: Fair
Build: Slender and curvy
Clothing: Prefers a blue and white color theme for most of her outfits, Nishina's usual getup includes a blue mini-skirt, a figure-hugging black turtleneck topped off with a white shrug. Her other option of casual wear would be a pair of hipster trousers and an imprinted white shirt. For Nishina, nothing beats a pair of tennis shoes and trainers in her favorite blue and white theme.
Handiness: Left-handed

Background

Mother: Hanamachi Nadia (Age: 43)
Father: Hanamachi Hiyoshi (Age: 48)
Siblings: Hanamachi Keigo (Age: 23)
Spouse: Nil

Personal History:

Hanamichi Nishina was born in Fukuoka, one of the most populated cities in Kyushu, a few years before the beginning of the First War. Her family had the fortune as well as the great foresight of her father Hiyoshi, who had once worked for the Earth Alliance as a mobile suit pilot and as a elite sniper only to be stripped of his post after 'disagreements' with his superiors over the increasing number of skirmishes between the Naturals and the Coordinators. While her father was a Natural hailing from the EA, Nishina's mother was a Coordinator, and she had given birth secretly even as Hiyoshi was being watched by his former employers.

Barely when Nishina was learning to speak, the horrific first Bloody Valentine War began. Hiyoshi was recalled due to the overwhelming casualties and lost his good eye after a particularly disastrous mission to raid Gibraltar. Safe behind the defensive lines of the Earth Alliance, Nishina knew little of the horrors of the war except the loss of an eye for her father when the fighting was finally concluded with a catastrophic turn of events.

Nishina was home-schooled even as schools were being rebuilt and a semblance of order was starting to fall into place; Evidence that the EA was trying to restore a certain amount of order to the lives of the people devastated by the war. Due to her parentage and her own status, however, Nishina had to hide together with her mother for her education. However, Hiyoshi was able to deceive and convince curious friends and relatives that the girl was an adopted child, one 'who had lost her parents in the ensuing conflict.' As a result, he was able to bring her around, tutoring her in Aikkido and as she got older, in the art of sharpshooting whenever he wasn't busy with military affairs.

Happy as those times were to Nishina, the second and arguably even more catastrophic war abruptly ended them and sent the family into another period of fear, hopelessness and anxiety. Hiyoshi received the call-to-arms once again and miraculously survived a near-fatal explosion his Windam was thought to be engulfed in during the Battle of Berlin. Nishina, who graduated from looking at and subsequently emulating her parents to being able to write and read the mother tongues of both of them had finally developed a concrete opinion of the war: It was bad, and judging from the severely burnt and heavily bandaged Hiyoshi, the child Nishina began to hate conflict.

With the end of the second war, Hiyoshi resigned once again, citing reasons of physical and mental recuperation from the War and the family moved once again, this time to ORB where both Nishina and Keigo were finally placed in a private school to complete their studies. Despite her best intentions, Nishina was never able to get close to her Natural elder brother who constantly compared himself to her, and eventually he drifted away soon after graduating and entering the world of business, his mind full of bitterness and hatred and what he considered as favoritism for his sister. He believed that it inconvenienced the family greatly, who needed to be constantly be on guard when they were living in the EA.

Ultimately, Nishina enlisted into a military academy in ORB whilst continuing her personal lessons with her father, graduated at the age of 17 and together with her parents, moved to the Equatorial Union, a nation which Hiyoshi considered to be the best place for a thoroughly jaded Nadia (after her involuntary confinements during the two Wars) to rest and for them to live a peaceful life.

Having passed her tests with flying colors and with a few minor accolades to her name, Nishina currently awaits the results of an application to the peacekeeping forces of the Equatorial Union, hoping that she would be able to play her part in fighting off any opposition to the place she lives in and had come to love.

[OOC: All right...Made more changes, things I found extremely dissatisfying. I probably did miss some still, though, so any suggestions are welcomed. Thanks.]

[kct]

I don't know if this is any issue or something here, but assuming we are using the Western naming order for characters with Japanese backgrounds, the family name should come after the given name, like [given name] [family name] (the other way round is used in the spoken context, and Japanese context).

I understand though >.> .

[F.A.I.T.H]

I think I want it to remain in the Japanese context, though....And I really WAS half-delirious...The thread name and the name I used doesn't match. I was wondering the thread title can be changed, because it's an 'I' instead of a 'A', thus 'Hanamichi' us the real family name. ^^''

EDIT: Forget it. It's the other way around. -_-''

Gah, forgot about the clothing as well. Anything else to add, beloved users who feel like giving it a shot at picking out errors?

Edit: Holy crap...Lots of errors. Corrected them.

[lord djibril]

I don't prefer going through profiles, because I usually get hung over minor issues. However, seeing as nobody has made any suggestions for yours, I guess I will attempt to make some suggestions .

Barely a few months after Nishina came into the world, the bloody First War began.

This sentence is correct except for the portion on the Bloody Valentine War. Its not a major error, but I believe it should look like this:

Barely a few months after Nishina came into the world, the First Bloody Valentine War began.

Hiyoshi was recalled due to the overwhelming casualties and lost his good eye after a particularly disastrous mission to raid Gibraltar.

Which I eye are you referring to? Right or left? In addition, I believe it would suffice to say he lost his eye during a raid, rather than including the portion on the mission.

Safe behind the defensive lines of the Earth Alliance, Nishina knew little of the horrors of the war except the loss of an eye for her father when the fighting was finally concluded with a catastrophic turn of events.

I believe this sentence should look like this:

Safe behind the defensive lines of the Earth Alliance, Nishina knew little of the horrors of the war, except the loss of one of her father's eye when the fighting was concluded with a catastrophic turn of events.

Due to her parentage and her own status, however, Nishina had to hide together with her mother for studies.

I don't quite understand what you mean by "hide together with her mother for her studies." Could you clarify this sentence?

[F.A.I.T.H]

Originally Posted by lord djibril

This sentence is correct except for the portion on the Bloody Valentine War. Its not a major error, but I believe it should look like this:

My intention was to describe it as a 'bloody' war. If it helps people to understand that the First War is the First Bloody Valentine War, I'll make the change.

Which I eye are you referring to? Right or left? In addition, I believe it would suffice to say he lost his eye during a raid, rather than including the portion on the mission.

This is important because as a sharpshooter, losing your good eye is a huge blow. It's a description of how serious the injury was to Hiyoshi. I don't wish to add too many details, but eventually if I do use Hiyoshi, perhaps as a reader you will find out which eye it is.

I don't quite understand what you mean by "hide together with her mother for her studies." Could you clarify this sentence?

My bad. Earlier on, I mentioned home-schooling, but apparently this sentence is awkward, as many others are now that I take a closer look. Thanks for bringing this up.

[liubei013]

It looks good. I'll wait a little longer for any potential last minute comments.

(Oh, fixed the title. I did it right...right? )

[F.A.I.T.H]

..........

I can't believe this...I got the damned name wrong! Oh well...

Actually, I wanted 'machi', but was confused somehow. If it's too much effort on your part, that let it be, I guess. ^_^''

[Janus]

He believed it that inconvenienced the family greatly, who neede to be constantly be on guard while in the EA.

wake up Faith!

ook according to this she should be living in EU for the past approximate year :/ which brings up a small problem that I might just burn up using an edited form.

[F.A.I.T.H]

Hmm...Was it the EU or EA, then? I don't quite understand...

Sorry, I'm having difficulties here in understanding....Or is the problem in the graduation part?

[kct]

I think the problem is that people won't realize that you are talking about the past (assuming that particular sentence was about how inconvenient it is for the family for being extra careful when they are living under an Earth Alliance territory).